Career barriers, part 1: "I can't"

When you look ahead on your career path, do you see nothing but open road to be traveled, or is there a big brick wall in your way that feels insurmountable? Do you feel like you’re skipping along, or like you’re struggling to make any progress because of the heavy weight you’re dragging? Do you even know what path you want to be on, or are you still working to discover what direction you want to travel?

If you are facing down a wall, dragging a weight, or still finding your direction, you are not alone. I’ve been there, and in many ways, am still there. Same for most of the people around you, even if they don’t show it. And, this series is for you. While there are some common themes among career barriers, no two people face the same challenge, and there are no universal answers. So, this series of posts will highlight stories from a diverse group of people who have dealt with a wide variety of career barriers and can each offer a unique perspective and advice. Hopefully some of these stories will resonate with what you’re facing, and maybe some will help you to understand and encourage someone around you.

My biggest career barrier is one I alternately faced down, wrestled with, and ran from for 10 straight years. As I entered my senior year of college, I had been working as an undergraduate researcher for two years and was applying to graduate schools. When people would ask me about my career goals, I would lie and say “I don’t know.” It’s perfectly okay (and quite normal!) to not know what you want to do at that point, but that wasn’t my story.  I knew exactly what I wanted to do.  I desperately wanted to be a professor at a major research university, but I couldn’t bring myself to say this because I was convinced that my goal was completely unattainable. I looked around at the professors at my institution, and was convinced that because I was not as smart or creative as them, I could never do their job.

Fortunately, I stayed on the path, went to graduate school, and pushed myself hard to accomplish as much as I could.  I was able to do this because I just love research that much. But, the whole time, I struggled with the notion that I was working toward an end goal that was impossible. I had wonderful and supportive research advisors, but I was afraid to admit my goals and corresponding self-doubt to them. As I was preparing to leave for my postdoc, I finally broke down and admitted my struggle to my PhD advisor.  That turned into one of the most impactful conversations of my career.  It went like this:

Me: I so desperately want a career in academia, but I look at what you do, and I just can’t do that.

Advisor: Of course you can’t…

Me: ?!?

Advisor: …not now, but you’ll get there.

My advisor then went on to explain how as a graduate student, he could not have done all of the things that are required of a faculty member, and that even as an assistant professor, he could not do what he could as a full professor.  But, careers are all about growth. And, if you are willing to push yourself and grow a little bit each day, by the time you get to each stage, you will have the skills and knowledge you need to be successful there.

When my advisor said this, it struck me that I had been experiencing this phenomenon for many years without even realizing it.  I thought back to how little I knew as an undergraduate researcher and how many mistakes I made, and compared that to what I could do after earning my PhD.  As an undergrad, I struggled to write even a short honors thesis and present that to my class of 15 fellow students, but by the end of my PhD, I felt confident drafting manuscripts for peer-reviewed journals and presenting at conferences. As an undergrad, I struggled to even grasp the concepts behind my project, but by the end of my PhD, I was designing entirely new projects. As an undergraduate student, I had looked at the senior graduate students and thought to myself “I could never do what they do” and here I was doing exactly that!

This realization was the first step in starting to dismantle the brick wall of self-doubt that had been blocking my career path for so many years. I still faced a consistent struggle with whether I could be successful as a professor, but for the first time in my career, I had some hope that I might be able to get there.

I’m now in that job that I dreamed about for so long. And, as I’ve continued to unpack this wisdom over the course of my career, I’ve realized that much of the struggle boils down to a very cruel fallacy that our brains can sneak into our thought process. I’ve sketched this out below.

Here’s me – I’m kind of small and pretty smiley:

Here’s someone I look up to. (x-axis = career stage; y-axis = capability):

 

Now this is the cruel trick my brain plays on me.  This where I envision that they were in ability at my current career stage and how they got to where they are now: 

So, if I want to eventually get to where they are, I need to wake up tomorrow with that same level of ability:

  

I know just enough physical chemistry to be dangerous, so I know that this is a “disallowed transition”:

This is where I was stuck for so many years. If I couldn’t instantly get myself to the knowledge and skill level of my mentors, then I could never get to being a professor.  But, of course, there is another option:

At this point in my career, I can look back over the past 20+ years since I started as an undergraduate researcher and clearly see the consistent growth that has brought me to where I am now. Yet, I still catch myself looking at people who are ahead of me on the career path and thinking “I could never do what they do.” Yeah, my brain is my best friend and my worst enemy.  But, at least now I have the logic I need to coach myself through these moments and realize that if I set a goal and consistently work toward it, there is a very good chance I’ll eventually get there, or I’ll at least grow a ton from where I was.

Research ideas, part 4: Keeping track

What do you do with your ideas? If you’ve been following along, we’ve worked through how to generate research ideas, why you need to have lots of ideas (and be willing to have bad ideas!), and  how to figure out which ideas are the best ideas. It’s easy for this to sound like a linear process that you walk through for each idea, but of course the reality is much more complex. You might have an idea that is initially not that great, but after months of thinking and refining, becomes something you are excited about. Or, you might have two ideas that on their own don’t go far, but become amazing when merged together.

In short, developing your ideas is less like this:

 And more like this:

So, how do you manage this process? How do you keep track of multiple ideas over several months (or years) in a format where you can continually add to and evolve your thoughts, and where you can find all of the information when you need it?

At this point, I need to make a confession – I am not the person who should be writing this post.  I’m terrible at keeping track of my ideas. They live across a combination of paper scraps shoved in my backpack, post-it notes stuck to my desk, notebooks I keep losing, and my failed attempts to use OneNote.  I’ve primarily resorted to just telling my ideas to the members of my lab in the hopes that they will remember them. It’s a good thing I work with incredible people! I know I need to do better, so I turned to the experts on twitter for advice, and they delivered!

By far the most popular option was electronic notebook apps, such as OneNote, iPad notes, and Google docs:

I like using Microsoft OneNote to organize new ideas. I can take picture of data slides presented at conferences, store PDFs, web links, draw cartoons. Then I try to synthesize idea into 1-2 page summary. Then reaxh our to collaborators who can do the things I can’t.

— Christopher Heery MD (@ChrisHeery) October 18, 2018

I also use OneNote, both for new ideas and ongoing projects. One key feature is that everything is stored in the cloud so you can access it from your computer, tablet, phone, etc. It’s easy to grab your phone and make notes whenever inspiration strikes!

— Ed Huttlin (@EdHuttlin) October 18, 2018

Accumulate references in a folder, name the folder with the idea and make a notepad detailing big picture and aims (all in 5-6 lines).

— Matha Naganbabu (@MathaCMU) October 18, 2018

Google docs! And/or the Notepad app on my phone. I also do this for coding commands/packages I learn so I can make some quick notes about why they’re useful and go back to them when I need to use them again.

— Nancy Fullman (@nwnancy) October 18, 2018

Second for Google Docs - when I’m ready, I can share to get feedback or collaborate.

Also that piece of scrap paper I wrote on many years ago that still lives in my wallet! Actually not sure whether I ever did that study....

— Dr. Dani Arigo (@DrDaniArigo) October 19, 2018

Great question! I use a Google spreadsheet sized for smartphone. Every idea goes into a cell. Related idea are adjacent and given the same fill color. Notes are inserted in cells as needed (can be very long). Best wishes!

— D. Brett Richardson Ⓥ (@BerkeleyBrett) October 18, 2018

I type directly into iPad notes at meetings, email to myself to tidy up and then immediately email to other attendees within a few minutes of meeting end.
When reading, I email links to journal papers and articles to myself with a few notes as to why it’s relevant/what I think.

— Dr. PadraiginOScholaidhe (Dr. Patricia Scully)🇮🇪 (@PPadraigin) October 19, 2018

I use Google Keep to track and organize my ideas that come but may never make it. I create a folder for any idea I have pursued and created a document for. I create subfolders for any idea that will eventually turn into a paper.

— Win Cowger (@WinzlyColton) October 19, 2018

Still far from a PI level but Evernote has helped me a lot lately to keep track of interesting tweets, papers, and notes of ideas that pop-up while commuting on a bus (by keeping respective folders for subjects or sources). That and doodling big picture ideas on whiteboards.

— Juan C. Sanchez-Arias (@juan_sanar) October 19, 2018

I have a list of ambitious/big ideas in google docs. these ideas are prioritized by how much i like them and the list keeps reshuffling up/down. if i keep going back to a particular idea then i think that is a sign to get started.

— Zhu Lab UTSW (@Zhu_Lab) October 19, 2018

Trello was also highlighted as a more technologically advanced platform with additional options for organizing thoughts and tasks:

I use trello. I set up a new board for big picture ideas, and individual lists and cards for the specifics

— Alan Grossfield (@agrossfield) October 18, 2018

If you don’t want to download, you can start with the web interface — the app is actually slightly less capable. They want you to pay to subscribe to get powerups, but thus far I’ve been happy with the free service.

We use it for collaborative projects

— Alan Grossfield (@agrossfield) October 18, 2018

For those who like to think while driving or doing other tasks, a great option is to voice record and use audio conversion software to transcribe into text:

I leverage long, boring trips driving to brainstorm, then use an audio recorder app to capture ideas. Then, https://t.co/Fz1l8qV5eU to transcribe notes! Time alone in the car is great thinking time for me.

— Startups San Antonio (@Startups_SA) October 18, 2018

While electronic options are popular, there are also many who prefer the classic choice of a hardbound notebook:

I’m old school and use an idea book, hard bound. It serves as a place to record and have those ideas develop in reflection.

— Luis Martinez (@TULuisMartinez) October 18, 2018

I have a note book that I always have, whenever I have an idea I write it down, put the date. When I get a new idea I skip five pages from the last idea (space to expand it later) and write it down with the date again.

— Maria zinga (@Maria_M_Zinga) October 19, 2018

I have a little hardbound notebook that contains my research ideas. It’s a judgement free space (crazy ideas welcome!) and is only for the start of an idea (2 pages max). Once it’s developed past that it’s time to move to a computer file/folder.

— Alexandria Johnson (@avblanch) October 19, 2018

Or index cards:

I write each potential project or reaction on an index card. different colours for different areas. Got the idea from Prof. Yoshito Kishi.

— Alex Speed (@awhspeed) October 18, 2018

Or post-it notes:

I just have post-its all over the walls of my apartment 🙈

— Margy Thomas (@ScholarShape) October 18, 2018

I had a PI who kept a big whiteboard and organized ideas into future grants in columns. He'd bring us in to toss things around and add sticky notes into columns. At some point he moved stuff into a doc, but I loved this for bringing us into brainstorming.

— Katie Reichard (@klreichard) October 18, 2018

I use the door to my living room as a brainstorm board. I write down ideas on post-its wherever I go, then I sort them in different categories on my board. Sometimes I re-shuffle ideas. Or I write on my window.

— Katharina Herzog (@metabolady) October 19, 2018

I use the Productivity Pipeline idea that I learned from @NCFDD. It’s for big picture organization and prioritization pic.twitter.com/vvCiY8P993

— Beth Caissie (@SeaIceBeth) October 19, 2018

With all of these great options, you might feel lost trying to decide. A good route is always to try the one that seems to best fit your style, but be flexible and willing to adjust as needed. Put systems in place so that you keep the format consistent and can find your thoughts and information when you want them later. The most important thing is to be able to hold onto, refine, and make the most of the great ideas you have!